If HE hadn't emailed and made me leap to my feet in happiness, I wouldn't have realized that it had been more than a week since I last wrote something here. I guess, at the very least, I owe this blog an update. So here goes:

What happened today is pretty obvious. I was going through the usual Corporate Action duties I needed to perform for the day when I decided to check my yahoomail. When I opened my inbox, I was excited to see two emails from different people: one email was from an old friend and the other one was from somebody who I wish would, in the future, be more than a friend. The two emails, especially the latter email, blew me out of my routine so much that I spent the remaining of the day double-hatting. The first hat was the Corporate Actions hat while the second hat was the Reply Writer hat. Now, after finally being able to compose a decent reply, I've decided to update my royal blog. hehe :) I'll play Corporate Actions after writing down my updates.

Two days ago I had a meeting with Abby, Robbie, Ken, Di and Shayne. The six of us are planning to visit high schools and have discussion groups there regarding God, faith, love, etc. I hope it works. For now, I guess the least I can hope for is for a pleasant group gathering among the six of us.

Last Saturday, the whole Standard Chartered Bank had a BCP (Business Continuity Plan) just in case our main office in Makati ends up like Sept 11. This is my first overtime. Although I can hardly open my eyes that day, I'm happy I got to have an overtime.

Later tonight, I'll be meeting with Sir Rodriguez, Sir Ceasar, Sir Dwight and Abby regarding a business we're planning for next year. Hope everything goes well!!!

So there! This is the most of what happened for the last few days. I'll drop by here once in a while to do more updating (especially when I'm dead bored).

he emailed! he emailed! he emailed! i'm so happy!!!

To the one my heart is shouting for, you are everything I've ever dreamed of and more. I am glad I was able to find you. Now, the only thing left for me to do is wait for you to find me.

anna

Today is a Saturday, obviously. That's why despite my unending fear of the unknown, I feel light and happy. Saturdays and Sundays are my happy days. Why, you might ask? Easy. Because I get to sleep for as long as I want.

I woke up at 9:00 am this morning - early for my usual Sat-Sun waking up schedule (my usual is 12 noon). The plan this Saturday was to go to Ateneo and do backboards to burn the fats in my arms. However, when my mum told me that we were watching "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" this afternoon instead of tomorrow afternoon, I pretended to sleep some more. I woke up again at 10:30.

At 1:00 pm, my mum, my brother, my sister and I went to Robinson's Metro East to catch "Harry Potter." Since the tickets had sold out for the 1:45 showing, we decided to catch the next possible showing which happened to be at 3:55 pm. To kill time, we went to the arcade.

As usual, my mum and I tried our skills at shooting balls into a basket while my brother and sister busied themselves with the drums. Tired from shooting baskets, I decided to play "Bubble Puzzle" wherein later on I 'd get my sister hooked with game. I also tried doing the drums - mustering my courage to play despite looking foolish when compared to the cute japanese-looking guy who played the drums as well as I could sing the English alphabet.

Harry Potter, which came after the arcade, disappointed me for the fourth time. I don't know why I keep watching one Harry Potter movie after another when no Harry Potter movie has lived up to my expectations. Maybe it's because I am hoping that one day it would - it would live up to how I have envisioned Harry Potter movies to be when I read the books. Maybe because I long to be part of the Harry Potter world - I want to live in magic.

Ha! Magic! I know it exists. But I don't know how to tap into my magic and use it for the good of everybody. I don't know if I'm even allowed to do it or if I'm wise enough to take hold of it. I don't know... which makes life sadder, actually.

My life... it has a direction but I don't know if it's the direction I want it to progressed. I'm so confused. I'd take on Harry Potter's shoes anytime!!!

That's why I'm glad it's Saturday. I can for a minute stop thinking about my life and what I should do to take hold of it and start living it.

I want more Saturdays and Sundays

You know what I really want to do? I want to travel. I want to fly away from anything and everything that's anchoring me in this country, in this particular position. I want to travel, meet people and have fun. I want to go out with good friends and talk about the most incorrigible of topics. I want to talk about life, love and death. I want to talk about living and hoping. I want to talk about people's behavior. I want to talk about what's moral. And I want to live by everything I think is right. I want to have my own charitable institution or at least, be a consistent volunteer of one. I want to teach children, have one of my own when the time is right, and watch everybody grow up and become. And while I do all these things, I want to have a consistent flow of income into my cash account so that I can go sky diving, scuba diving, bungee jumping, paint ball shooting, bar hopping, studying, learning, teaching, growing. But most of all, I want to love... and be loved in return.

Who am I?

I am Anna
Willful.
Strange.
But Pleasant.
Doubtful.
Practical.
But Moral.
Loyal.
Trustworthy.
But not Blind.
Creative.
Adventurous.
But Careful.
Carefree.
A Child.
But not childish.
Ambitous.
Royal.
But Simple.
Calm.
Peace-loving.
But a Fighter.
I am Anna.
A Walking Contradiction.

The Rose
by Bette Midler

Some say love it is a river
that drowns the tender reed
Some say love it is a razor
that leaves your soul to blead

Some say love it is a hunger
an endless aching need
I say love it is a flower
and you it's only seed

It's the heart afraid of breaking
that never learns to dance
It's the dream afraid of waking
that never takes the chance
It's the one who won't be taken
who cannot seem to give
and the soul afraid of dying
that never learns to live

When the night has been too lonely
and the road has been too long
and you think that love is only
for the lucky and the strong
Just remember in the winter
far beneath the bitter snows
lies the seed
that with the sun's love
in the spring
becomes the rose

Gone are the days when I'd look at a recklessly people-packed train platform and see little heroes being born. Gone are the days when I'd look at perfectly annoying bosses as challenges to overcome - mountains to climb. Gone are the days when I'd say: "I'll suffer this today, tomorrow I will be happy." Gone are the days when I could wait and not be tired by waiting. Gone are the days when I could love although my heart is breaking. Gone are the days when my naivety permitted me to see the good in everything and everybody despite past experiences.

I have seemingly become jaded. I find it troublesome to trust people with my heart, my soul, my life. Silence terrifies me. Uncertainties cripple me. Fear hightens my senses. Love scares me.

But what are days when I'd look at a recklessly people-packed train platform and not see little heroes being born? What are days when i'd look at perfectly annoying bosses and not see them as challenges to overcome - as mountains to climb? What are days when I wouldn't say: "I'll suffer this today, tomorrow I will be happy?" What are days when I could not love although my heart is breaking? What are days I could not see the good in everything and everybody despite past experiences?

I have become jaded, I know. But I will not let that take the best of me. I find it troublesome to trust people, I have come to realize. But that will not keep me from trusting them nevertheless. Silence terrifies me. Yet it soothes my broken wings. Uncertainties cripple me. But I know that I am being loved and that somebody will always take my back. Fear hightens my senses. Love scares me.

Did you ever in your life wish you were somewhere else instead of where you currently are? I do now. I wish I was in cheering practice. Isn’t it pretty obvious yet? The whole event is stressing me out!!! My worries are getting to my nerves.

The GA (General Assembly) for SCB (Standard Chartered Bank) will be tomorrow but we haven’t even nearly completed what we are suppose to do. There are so little participants, everybody seems not to know how exactly a cheering goes or how ours should go, and we still don’t have a costume. Although we have had suggestions after suggestions last night, it really isn’t enough – there’s just not enough time to even just pass this particular examination.

I really have no plans of embarrassing myself. And I’m never good at making people laugh and cheer when I’m on a stage even if I tried as hard I could. Sure, I used to be a stage actress; I used to sing; I used to dance. But, all of the things I have done before have been practiced over and over again for at least 3 months. This! This! This cheering competition has not even begun its practice and it already needs to be presented.