I'll be having dinner with Avee and the gang tonight. And I'm sooo excited despite the fact that I'm so physically drained already.

One more day left before my long vacation!!! Very, very excited!!!

Want it to be 6 pm already!!!

Hay!!! What a long day this has been!

I woke up at 7 in the morning (actually, I was awaken by my mum) to meet my second degree cousins in Angono, Rizal. We were supposed to leave by 9:30 but Auntie Lolit (my mother's cousin), Inday (Auntie Lolit's landlady) and Izel (Aunti Lolit's daughter; my second degree cousin) arrived late. By 11 pm, we were able to leave Katipunan and hed to Angono Rizal.

We arrived at Angono at around 12 noon and we left at 5:00 pm. We spent our first three hours sleeping (fun noh?!) and the next 2 hours introducing ourselves and exchanging gifts (oh! eating was somewhere it between).

It was a tiring trip. I don't even know if it was worth it. I guess, in the long run, it is. I got to know four more second degree cousins today.

"if there's so much i must be, can i still just be me? the way i am. can i trust in my own heart. or am i just one part of some big plan" - Kiara, Lion King

hmm... for somebody... i know i shouldn't be afraid but right now, i just cannot imagine a life with somebody else but you... will you ever know how i feel for you? will you ever feel the same for me?

I'm so scared that you will see
All the weakness inside of me
I'm so scared of letting go
That the pain I've hid will show
I know you want to hear me speak
But I'm afraid that if I start to
I'll never stop

I want you to know
You belong in my life
I love the hope
I see in your eyes
For you I would fly
At least I would try
For you I'll take
The last flight out

I'm afraid that
You will leave
As my secrets
Have been revealed
In my dreams
You'll always stay
Every breathing moment from now
I know you want to hear me speak
But I'm afraid that if I start to
I'll never stop

I cannot hold back
The truth no more
I let you wait too long
Although it's hard and scares me so
A life without you scares me more

shucks! i'm so pathetic... i'm so pathetic.

"I know I cannot do this. None of us can undo what we've done, or relive a life already recorded. But if Professor Morris Schwartz taught me anything at all, it was this: there is no such thing as "too late" in life. He was changing until the day he said good-bye." - Mitch Albom, "Tuesdays with Morrie"

This day was supposed to be the most hectic day my life has had so far. I was supposed to attend a 10:00 am meeting at McDo for "Ripples," an apostolate me and a few friends are working to bring about. At lunch, I was supposed to have a party with my SCB department (and friends). 2:00pm - 5:00pm was supposed to be my every-other-saturday charity event. And lastly, at 6:30pm I was supposed to meet my college friends over dinner and come what may.

However, the only thing that happened today was the Christmas party with my SCB officemates (and friends). I was fetched by Sir Ronald at 10:00 and we arrived at Ms. Lora's place at 11-ish. My other officemates (and friends) arrived shortly after. The party officially began at 12-ish or 1-ish and it ended (at least for me) at a little past 6. But because of the heavy rains, we opted to stay a little longer (since it's hard to drive under the rain). Just for proof, here is a picture of me and my officemates (all in our respective costumes) taken from my camera: (that's Ms. Ronald, Ms. Nic, Ms. Angie, Me, Aiee, Patrick, Ms. Ellen)



The time right now is 10:00pm. I opted not to spend time with my college friends anymore. Although I feel rather depressed for choosing to do so, I think I made the right decision. I think I've stressed myself much already. I just hope they can forgive me for standing them up (and would you believe it, it was me who set the dinner and come what may!!!).

So there, that's my life today. I stood up my 10:00 meeting for an apostolate. I stood up my every-other-saturday charity event. I stood up my college friends. Can these things, perhaps, make me evil? Why do I feel depressed?

the frog - where's the prince?

It’s this feeling all over again. I feel like a frog trapped in some bottomless pit unable to decipher which is up and which is down. Trapped, yes, that’s the word. I’m trapped. There’s no escaping for me.

i just had confession!!! :)

i'm sick! cough and colds. and yes, in the head too.

i haven't had any great sleep for nearly two weeks now. and i'm not about to have any great sleeps for the month of december, or at least, not until december 25.

i want to go home and rest. but i don't know where home is.

what to do? what to do? i'm so near burning out.

What a weekend this has been! I went home rather late last Friday because my SCB friends wanted to chat a little over a cup of coffee. It turned out that only Avee planned on buying coffee while the rest decided to contribute money (to be able to buy food for everybody else), and the little chat turned out to be a two-hour discussion.

The two Belgian waffles (from Starbucks) that we shared were uber delicious. I liked the strwberry-flavor Belgian waffle the best! The coffee cake as well as the donuts (from the same store) were also very delicious. It was my first time to eat any of Starbuck's food (pathetic!) although for these past few days, I've been having one frap over another.

Yesterday was more hectic. The original plan was: (1) attend the blessing of the Pentecost Chuch of Loyola Heights at 9am, (2) attend meeting for Apostolate at McDo at 10am, (3) teach music to street children from 2pm to 5 pm, and (4) go to Abby's place for a movie marathon. Unfortunately for me, the mass went on for about two hours so I wasn't able to attend the meeting for the Apostolate at McDo. In addition to this, my music classes ended at about 6pm because the songs I thought were to be presented by the kids on their Christmas Party this coming Dec. 17, 2005. I was about to tell Abby that I might not make it to the movie marathon when I received a message from her telling me that she has prepared dinner for us. Of course, I decided to come. Food is definitely a temptation I cannot resist!!! hehehe :)

The movie marathon turned out to be a karaoke contest. The only movie we got to watch was "Fever Pitch." The movie was so-so.

I was able to go home at 11am today. The moment I got home, I fell asleep. I was sooo tired. Who wouldn't be? The weekend did not prove very restful (although it was very enjoyable!!!).

... be right back... have to go to mass now...

thank god it's friday!!!

i'm sooo tired...

i was not able to sleep very well last night...

hope i can sleep tight tonight...

good night, sleep tight, take care, cheers!

If HE hadn't emailed and made me leap to my feet in happiness, I wouldn't have realized that it had been more than a week since I last wrote something here. I guess, at the very least, I owe this blog an update. So here goes:

What happened today is pretty obvious. I was going through the usual Corporate Action duties I needed to perform for the day when I decided to check my yahoomail. When I opened my inbox, I was excited to see two emails from different people: one email was from an old friend and the other one was from somebody who I wish would, in the future, be more than a friend. The two emails, especially the latter email, blew me out of my routine so much that I spent the remaining of the day double-hatting. The first hat was the Corporate Actions hat while the second hat was the Reply Writer hat. Now, after finally being able to compose a decent reply, I've decided to update my royal blog. hehe :) I'll play Corporate Actions after writing down my updates.

Two days ago I had a meeting with Abby, Robbie, Ken, Di and Shayne. The six of us are planning to visit high schools and have discussion groups there regarding God, faith, love, etc. I hope it works. For now, I guess the least I can hope for is for a pleasant group gathering among the six of us.

Last Saturday, the whole Standard Chartered Bank had a BCP (Business Continuity Plan) just in case our main office in Makati ends up like Sept 11. This is my first overtime. Although I can hardly open my eyes that day, I'm happy I got to have an overtime.

Later tonight, I'll be meeting with Sir Rodriguez, Sir Ceasar, Sir Dwight and Abby regarding a business we're planning for next year. Hope everything goes well!!!

So there! This is the most of what happened for the last few days. I'll drop by here once in a while to do more updating (especially when I'm dead bored).

he emailed! he emailed! he emailed! i'm so happy!!!

To the one my heart is shouting for, you are everything I've ever dreamed of and more. I am glad I was able to find you. Now, the only thing left for me to do is wait for you to find me.

anna

Today is a Saturday, obviously. That's why despite my unending fear of the unknown, I feel light and happy. Saturdays and Sundays are my happy days. Why, you might ask? Easy. Because I get to sleep for as long as I want.

I woke up at 9:00 am this morning - early for my usual Sat-Sun waking up schedule (my usual is 12 noon). The plan this Saturday was to go to Ateneo and do backboards to burn the fats in my arms. However, when my mum told me that we were watching "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" this afternoon instead of tomorrow afternoon, I pretended to sleep some more. I woke up again at 10:30.

At 1:00 pm, my mum, my brother, my sister and I went to Robinson's Metro East to catch "Harry Potter." Since the tickets had sold out for the 1:45 showing, we decided to catch the next possible showing which happened to be at 3:55 pm. To kill time, we went to the arcade.

As usual, my mum and I tried our skills at shooting balls into a basket while my brother and sister busied themselves with the drums. Tired from shooting baskets, I decided to play "Bubble Puzzle" wherein later on I 'd get my sister hooked with game. I also tried doing the drums - mustering my courage to play despite looking foolish when compared to the cute japanese-looking guy who played the drums as well as I could sing the English alphabet.

Harry Potter, which came after the arcade, disappointed me for the fourth time. I don't know why I keep watching one Harry Potter movie after another when no Harry Potter movie has lived up to my expectations. Maybe it's because I am hoping that one day it would - it would live up to how I have envisioned Harry Potter movies to be when I read the books. Maybe because I long to be part of the Harry Potter world - I want to live in magic.

Ha! Magic! I know it exists. But I don't know how to tap into my magic and use it for the good of everybody. I don't know if I'm even allowed to do it or if I'm wise enough to take hold of it. I don't know... which makes life sadder, actually.

My life... it has a direction but I don't know if it's the direction I want it to progressed. I'm so confused. I'd take on Harry Potter's shoes anytime!!!

That's why I'm glad it's Saturday. I can for a minute stop thinking about my life and what I should do to take hold of it and start living it.

I want more Saturdays and Sundays

You know what I really want to do? I want to travel. I want to fly away from anything and everything that's anchoring me in this country, in this particular position. I want to travel, meet people and have fun. I want to go out with good friends and talk about the most incorrigible of topics. I want to talk about life, love and death. I want to talk about living and hoping. I want to talk about people's behavior. I want to talk about what's moral. And I want to live by everything I think is right. I want to have my own charitable institution or at least, be a consistent volunteer of one. I want to teach children, have one of my own when the time is right, and watch everybody grow up and become. And while I do all these things, I want to have a consistent flow of income into my cash account so that I can go sky diving, scuba diving, bungee jumping, paint ball shooting, bar hopping, studying, learning, teaching, growing. But most of all, I want to love... and be loved in return.

Who am I?

I am Anna
Willful.
Strange.
But Pleasant.
Doubtful.
Practical.
But Moral.
Loyal.
Trustworthy.
But not Blind.
Creative.
Adventurous.
But Careful.
Carefree.
A Child.
But not childish.
Ambitous.
Royal.
But Simple.
Calm.
Peace-loving.
But a Fighter.
I am Anna.
A Walking Contradiction.

The Rose
by Bette Midler

Some say love it is a river
that drowns the tender reed
Some say love it is a razor
that leaves your soul to blead

Some say love it is a hunger
an endless aching need
I say love it is a flower
and you it's only seed

It's the heart afraid of breaking
that never learns to dance
It's the dream afraid of waking
that never takes the chance
It's the one who won't be taken
who cannot seem to give
and the soul afraid of dying
that never learns to live

When the night has been too lonely
and the road has been too long
and you think that love is only
for the lucky and the strong
Just remember in the winter
far beneath the bitter snows
lies the seed
that with the sun's love
in the spring
becomes the rose

Gone are the days when I'd look at a recklessly people-packed train platform and see little heroes being born. Gone are the days when I'd look at perfectly annoying bosses as challenges to overcome - mountains to climb. Gone are the days when I'd say: "I'll suffer this today, tomorrow I will be happy." Gone are the days when I could wait and not be tired by waiting. Gone are the days when I could love although my heart is breaking. Gone are the days when my naivety permitted me to see the good in everything and everybody despite past experiences.

I have seemingly become jaded. I find it troublesome to trust people with my heart, my soul, my life. Silence terrifies me. Uncertainties cripple me. Fear hightens my senses. Love scares me.

But what are days when I'd look at a recklessly people-packed train platform and not see little heroes being born? What are days when i'd look at perfectly annoying bosses and not see them as challenges to overcome - as mountains to climb? What are days when I wouldn't say: "I'll suffer this today, tomorrow I will be happy?" What are days when I could not love although my heart is breaking? What are days I could not see the good in everything and everybody despite past experiences?

I have become jaded, I know. But I will not let that take the best of me. I find it troublesome to trust people, I have come to realize. But that will not keep me from trusting them nevertheless. Silence terrifies me. Yet it soothes my broken wings. Uncertainties cripple me. But I know that I am being loved and that somebody will always take my back. Fear hightens my senses. Love scares me.

Did you ever in your life wish you were somewhere else instead of where you currently are? I do now. I wish I was in cheering practice. Isn’t it pretty obvious yet? The whole event is stressing me out!!! My worries are getting to my nerves.

The GA (General Assembly) for SCB (Standard Chartered Bank) will be tomorrow but we haven’t even nearly completed what we are suppose to do. There are so little participants, everybody seems not to know how exactly a cheering goes or how ours should go, and we still don’t have a costume. Although we have had suggestions after suggestions last night, it really isn’t enough – there’s just not enough time to even just pass this particular examination.

I really have no plans of embarrassing myself. And I’m never good at making people laugh and cheer when I’m on a stage even if I tried as hard I could. Sure, I used to be a stage actress; I used to sing; I used to dance. But, all of the things I have done before have been practiced over and over again for at least 3 months. This! This! This cheering competition has not even begun its practice and it already needs to be presented.

has anybody read the book "the historian" by elizabeth kostova? it's thicker than the thickest harry potter book (would that happen to be "harry potter and the order of the phoenix"?), so much gloomier than "harry potter and the sorceress stone," but happier than "harry potter and the half-blood prince". i don't recommend it for the weak at heart.

the first time i saw the book at a book sale in the world trade center in roxas boulevard, i thought it was a dictionary (i swear, i really thought it was!). but, despite the fact that it seems too thick a book to read for someone whose currently spending 8 hours informing clients abroad regarding cash diviends, tender offers and stockhlders' meetings, and that i didn't like it's title and it's cover illustration (you know, you should never, as in ne-ever, judge a book by it's cover), i nevertheless decided to buy it. and i am happy i bought it.

i do not want to pre-empt you because i highly recommend the book. it's addictive, i swear. so, just to get you all sized up, let me give you a vague picture of what the book is all about. imagine this: dracula is still alive today!!!

it'll be a fun read.

i feel so lost and tired...

i don't know why i'm feeling this way...

i wanna go home and read a book...

i wanna sleep...

i feel as if i've made a really big mistake...

"but judge not, and neither condemn, for you know not why a thing occurs, nor to what end. and remember you this: that which you condemn will condemn you, and that which you judge, you will one day become. rather, seek to change those things - or support others who are changing those things - which no longer reflect you highest sense of who you are. yet, bless all - for all is the creation of God, through life living, and that is the highest creation." - conversations with God, book one.

I’m all dressed up for a man hunt but my heart eternally craves to do things for the greater glory of God. Although most of my officemates would head home laughing once they hear of this "insanity," I do not think it is funny nor do I think I am anywhere near insanity. I think I am perfectly sane and that the state that I am currently in is one of the most perfect states anybody could ever be. I am happy just the way I am and I really don’t give a damn what my rather loud officemates say.

I will be myself. And I will be great.

in order to take control of our lives and accomplish something of lasting value, sooner or later we need to learn to believe. we don't need to shift our responsibilities onto the shoulder of some edified spiritual superman, or sit around and wait for fate to come knocking at the door. we simply need to believe in the power that's within us, and use it. when we do that, and stop imitating others and competing against them, things begin to work for us....

Most people would rather go to work using their cars, no matter how bad the traffic is, take a cab, or hitch a ride with somebody else. I will not pretend that I would rather have any of the three options stated above than ride the trains to work. Besides the fact that trains travel faster than cars (because there is no such thing as a bad train traffic unless a train security guard decides to make the railways his final resting place), there really is nothing grand about them. They are uncomfortable to ride in (the trains in the Philippines, I mean). More often than not, they are jam-packed with people who always seem to be in a hurry. They push to get in the trains. They push to get out. Seemingly, the train is an endless pushing. No pulling.

But everyday, I witnessed, while I wait for the right train to come, little heroes are born. These are the people who refused to join the bandwagon. They do not push. Instead, they give way to those who are in a hurry (not that they are not themselves). These are the people who give up their seemingly comfortable place at one of the train’s "benches" so that a lady could sit (unfortunately for guys, seats are only being offered to ladies – to the young and the very old). These are the people who, inside the train cabins, turn their backs on you so that when the train suddenly stops, you don’t end up accidentally hugging them or worse. And when the train stops at a particular station, these are the people who willingly get out of the train so that people trapped in the labyrinth inside can successfully get out and get on with their lives.

Inside, amidst the mixture of different scents that ends up smelling sour, is a special meeting of persons. No verbal conversations happen. Rather, the heart speaks. And this time around, non-verbal movements are way more powerful than words.

To be a successful train-rider, you have to be observant of the things and the people around you. When you’re hugging most of the pole (for holding on when the train stops), you have to know when you should (to give way to those who also need something to hold on to when the train stops) and should not (for your own safety) move. You should also know where exactly to move. Will you move to your right where a bunch of rather scary looking guys are being stationed to? Or will you move to your left where majority of the crowd are women? Or will you stay where you are and let them make their own moves to accommodate you?

Although riding trains is a bother for most people, I see it now as an art (most probably because I don’t have much of a choice, really. Since I’m forced to ride it everyday, I would rather see it as an art than as a bother). It’s art because you look at common things from a different point of view – you interpret "normal" behavior and see the abnormality in it.

TO BE CONTINUED…

I am here now. Fresh out of college. Fresh out of my Euro Study Tour. Fresh. And lost.

I feel like a child gazing straight out into the darkness from a glass window waiting for the sunrise. Waiting, anticipating for something wonderful to happen; something to break the monotonous silence of the night – a ray of sunlight, a string of hope.

Every since I returned to the Philippines, almost everybody have been asking me what’s next. What’s next? I don’t know really. A door has just closed and the windows seemingly have trouble opening. All I know is that I want to live my life the best that I can. All I know is that I want to die contented having known that I was able to live and lived to the fullest. Really, I just want to live. And then die – to find home, to return home. And then, peace at last.

But practically speaking, what’s next? Of course, I know I need to find myself a job. Although rather unlikely, it is possible that I might turn out like my aunt, a bum. I don’t want that. I didn’t beat my ass off for 15 years just to stay home and home forever. I’m vying for Maersk now. It’s a shipping company. It sends its managerial trainees to Denmark to study. I’d like that. No, I’d love that. Denmark and studying, I mean. And I really wouldn’t know what I would do if I didn’t get the spot. As of now, I really don’t want any other job.

I learned something very important in Europe that I’ve been very afraid to admit until today. What I learned might just hold the key to answering the question why the Philippines remains to be a third world country. But that is not what I would like to write about tonight. Rather, I would like to write about something on a more personal level. That is, what I learned had just made a loser out of me.

I learned that I am very childish – that almost everybody in the Philippines is.

I used to despise people who tried to act older than their age but in the long run fail to pull off a perfect show of maturity. These people tell me I’m childish – “bata-bata-on” – but do they really know what it means to be an adult? The very fact that they traded education for infatuation – some one night stand – and ended up a single parent just goes to show how immature they really are. The fact that despite being reduced to the pitiful financial state they currently are in right now, they still choose to spend what little they have on cigarettes and marijuanas plunges them deeper into despair and thus, makes them more worthy of the term “bata-bata-on” more than I am. The little they know about life, they hate. The little they know about taking responsibility and about being an adult, they take as a bothersome burden they would rather free themselves from. The only thing they know about being an adult is vanity.

I’ve been watching them for a very long time now. They amuse me. I pity them. And for a long time now, I’ve always seen myself as somebody very different from them. When they call me “bata-bata-on” because I couldn’t seem to wipe of the smile off my face, I silently say to myself: grow up but don’t grow old; keep your face oily, it delays the formation of wrinkles; smile, it’s a beautiful world and a beautiful day, if you’re the only one who realizes that, it’s not your lost. And for a time there, I really did thought I was growing up but not growing old. I kept a happy disposition of life despite everything. Every time I felt like sobbing, I always find myself singing: “smile even when your heart is breaking…smile what’s the use of crying…[everything will be alright]…if you just smile.” For a moment, it was perfection for me, in my own little world.

But everything became different after my Euro Study Tour. As I compare myself to Europeans the same age as I am, all I’m left now are the broken pieces of my shattered illusion. I wasn’t any better that those who I once pitied. I was, and still am although I’m desperately trying to redeem myself, very childish. It’s a pretty sad thing to be me right now.

I am childish because I find myself incapable of forgiveness. I find myself childish because I an incapable of saying: “I’m sorry.” Every time I try to, I seemingly find myself overwhelmed by my ego. I am childish because I keep on saying that I would like to join a charitable organization (I’d even become a Jesuit priest if I was a guy) but never got to doing so nor did I get anywhere near defending my cause when Mike, my foster brother in France, took up an argument regarding it. In other words, I am childish because I’m too scared to do what my heart commands me. Moreover, I am childish because I have so many unresolved quarrels – so many unresolved issues. I also keep committing the same mistakes over and over again because I’m too afraid to hurt the people I love…but then, I realized, if I really love them, I’d do what I think is right both us. I am childish because 21 years have passed and I still hadn’t gathered enough self-confidence to know that I’ll make it through alive and very well in this dog-eat-dog world because I am a human being and not a dog. I’m childish because it took me this long to realize that everything is how it should be and that if I wanted to look back at my life during old age, smile, and be content, I should give my best in everything I do in everyday and not just during the best of situations. And, although I “know” that the world revolves around the sun, there are times when I act as if it revolves around me – a childishness I find very hard to overcome. Furthermore, I live a happy-go-lucky life. Belonging to the class AB in a third world country, more often than not, me and my siblings get what we want – a good school, a great computer, an unlimited internet access, travel, access to credit, cameras galore, cars, you name it… I am childish – if not for my parents, I wouldn’t, at the age of 21, be able to support my existence.

I realized that learning life does not end during college graduation. I still have a lot to learn. I’m still a long way from the finish line. Indeed, “what a journey it has been and the end is not in sight.”

I’m keeping up with the race – growing up but not growing old; nourishing the inner child in me as I grow more as a person. Maybe one of these days, when I’ve learned what I needed to learn, I can look back at my life, smile, and be content. I will have then lived a wonderful life at its fullest!

I want to start working already – to put the things I learned in college to good use. But more than that, I want to start working because the part of me that craves eternally for creative output is currently weeping and crying for help. There is this voice that keeps telling me that I cannot paint. Therefore, paint, I must. I must work. The voice that tells me that I am incompetent must be put to a stop.

I am excited to work. I miss my “stress” days. I miss working with people and getting great results as payment for the hard work. I miss talking in words only me and my teammates understand. I miss the feeling of being productive and useful as well as needed and powerful. I miss having my brain function and my skills pushed to a particular extent. I miss seeing myself grow into more of myself.

I do not like being a bum. I feel trapped, unfulfilled, and useless. In other words, I feel dead.

4:03 pm in ISLA 3, Salamanca, Spain.

Who knows any language schools in Manila? I want to continue studying Spanish and French, but most especially Spanish. I am at the level wherein I can understand slow spanish conversations but have trouble fomulating sentences. And I don´t want to forget what I have learned.

I miss Philippines. And I am, as early as now, excited to go home. However, I also want to stay in Spain and continue my Spanish studies. I want to learn Spanish like learning to ride a bike - once you know how, you will never forget. When I go back to Spain, I want to be able to speak Spanish fluently. And when I´m in the Philippines, I want to be able to speak my native tongue without forgetting how to speak in Spanish. I want Spanish to be like my English. I want to be fluent in French too...I still have to work on my pronounciation though. But, with a teacher like Professor Diego for french, I´ll get to where I want to be in no time.

I can't believe I'm wanting so many things right now.

When you´re a university student in Salamanca, Spain (although I don´t think this is just for Salamanca... I think this goes true for the whole of Spain), the best day during a weekday would be a Friday. You know why? Many universities don´t have classes on Friday. It´s their rest day...this is besides the siesta they have from 2:30 to 5 (i think) in the afternoon. Hay, it´s so nice to live here - so many opportunities for sleep (which is actually one of my favorite things to do more than going to bars and having fun the whole night thru).

Today, our (that's me and Elaine) foster sister, Tania, didn´t have class. We had class though. And we had our quiz-game for our Spanish speech lessons. It was fun - unlike any ordinary quiz I´ve ever had my entire life. If quizzes were always like that, I´d want to have quizzes everyday. hehehe :)

After spanish lessons, we had lunch at 2:30 (as usual) and then at 5 we had gimkana (i don´t know if the spelling is right). Gimkana is a treasure hunting game of some sort. It´s actually like Amazing Race - only... it´s in Spanish. We were given descriptions of monuments and we had to take pictures of the monuments and answer questions regarding it. Hay... we had a city tour. hehehe As in! We toured the whole Salamanca...which was kind of fun, actually... although very exhausting... coz like Mont Mart in Paris, France, there are allies that go uphill... (actually, everything seems to be going uphill) hehehe We´ll be doing another gimkana next week. This time around, I have to be really fluent in Espanol. hehehe :)

Tonight, we´ll be going bar hopping and tapa tasting coutesy of ISLA, our school. It´s part of what we paid for back in the Philippines. I´m excited actually. I tried Spanish tapa twice (pork and squid) and they were really good. I can´t wait to taste more!!! Shucks! That's gluttony for you!!! hehehe But I love it anyways. hehehe :)

Salamanca is so much fun. It´s just a small town but there´s so much to see. However, I do not think I can live here for the rest of my life... although it is a very pleasant place to live in...it´s very quiet and the people are really very nice. But...I know that sooner or later...i´m going to run out of things to do and then, it would be all downhill for the fun... Actually, as early as now, I´m finding the bars already boring coz they all serve the same drinks and play the same music... If you´ve done the same things for so many times, it gets really dragging. But... besides the bars... so far, so good.

Spain is great! Salamanca is very cozy! Highly recommended!!!

Yesterday was fun! I had Spanish lessons in the morning, had flamengo lessons in the afternoon, had paella cooking lessons along with sangria making lessons, and had fun in Medievo (it's a bar in Salamanca) from midnight until a little pass 2 am.

The paella cooking lesson was so much fun! At least now, I know how to cook at least one dish. hehehe The paella I made with Bon and Michel had too much pepper in it but it was nevertheless good...although the paella of Elaine´s group was better than ours... at least, ours was edible (which is unlike any dish i have ever made my entire life). hehehe :) It´s a pretty great success for me. hehehe :)

We also had a sangria making contest. Of course, our group won. hehehe Sangria is made up of red wine, strawberries, gin, lemon... and many other things. It tastes like Shirley Temple... only, it´s more alcholic. Last night, I was able to drink 3 full glasses of sangria. I think if I drank one more I would have ended up drunk. hehehe But then, I didn´t. I know I still had to go home. hehehe After eating paella and drinking sangria at Amanda´s place, the director for ISLA Salamanca, we went bar hopping. At first, we went to Medievo. When we found out that there was nobody there, we went to Camelot which was recommended to us by Rosa, our Spanish grammar teacher. But then... sure Camelot had a lot of people in it but they were mostly OLD people... as in OLD. So, we went back to Medievo. After a while, the bar started filling up and there were really muchos chicos guapos dancing on the floor. hehehe It was so much fun people watching!!!

We went home at around 2 and Elaine and I slept as soon as we got home. We were tired. And besides, we had classes in 8 hours. hehehe We woke up at 9 am, did our thingies and went to school. We were suppose to go on a food trip (chocolate con churros) at 5 this afternoon but then, according to Sara (one of our guides), the weather´s hot and as such, it wouldn't be good to go on a chocolate tour. So, we rescheduled it.

At 8:15 tonight, we will be having another conference about the history of the Spanish language. Hay... tough life. We´re not going out tonight. Maybe tomorrow. We have a quiz tomorrow for our conversational Spanish.

Time: 7:56 pm Place: ISLA 3 Internet Cafe, Salamanca, Spain

I just came from Flamego Dance lessons somwhere in Salamanca. It was fun! At least now, I have Spanish steps to dance in Medievo, some Disco/Bar at Grand Via which is near our school, later tonight when me and my Spanish/French classmates go partying.

Salamanca is a party center. It has the third greatest bar/person population. People go partying almost every night but most especially during Wednesday and Friday nights... Where did I get this information? hehehe I have my sources! I´m supposed to do something at 8:30... cooking lessons i think... but nobody seems to remember where to meet or if we really are going to have cooking lessons. I guess, everybody´s so excited to go to Medievo later since the guy who invited us is muy, muy, muy guapo. Mas guapo que otra chicos that the cooking lessons have slipped off their minds... and with the internet, it´s about to slip out of mine too. Hay... i´ve never partyed this hard before... it´s fun but, at the same time, it´s also very, very exhuasting... One of the people I go out with at night in Salamanca keeps on getting drunk and it´s really hard to take care of her especially when she´s shouting in French, drinking other people´s drink, and dancing like crazy. I guess, tonight in Medievo will just be like any other night since if we go there before midnight, we get free drinks until 3 pm... and although our curfew is at 2:00am, we´re probably going home at 3:00 am when the drinks are not free anymore... mind you... bars in Salamanca do not close... they´re open 24/7. And mind you... although drinks are free... i haven´t gotten drunk (maybe one of these days... when it´s pretty safe) and the only drinks i´ve drunk since i´ve arrived in Salamanca are: 2 lemon vodka, 2 red wine...

need to go now... only have 5 minutes left... i guess they remembered the cooking lesson...

I´m in Salamanca, Spain right now. The time´s 4:48pm. My internet time will be over by 5:00pm. I just arrived in Salamanca yesterday afternoon. I came from Paris, France. We stayed there for a week. A week in Paris was stressful but nevertheless fun. It was stressful because we only had a week to enjoy what one could say is one of the best cities in the world (of course, for me, the cities in the Philippines are the best cities in the world... there´s no place like home!) There was never a night in Paris that Elaine and I, together with whoever of our French classmates (yep! we took lessons in French in Paris Langues) who wanted to join us that we took the night off. We´d leave our foster family at 8:30, take the metro, and come back at exactly 1:00am since the last metro rides at 1:00. have a lot to tell... but i´m running out of time... brb...

Ever since I was young, I've heard (just heard) of the Secrets of Fatima. I was curious, but I never really looked into it. For 20 years, it just remained as one of those that was mentioned to me but I soon forgot. Today, however, is a little different. I heard the secrets again. But this time it was accompanied by an anime.

I was so bored that I asked my brother for whatever anime he had that I hadn't watched yet. He gave me the anime Chrno Crusade. When I asked him what it was about, he answered me with a plain "God." And... curiousity killed the cat (In my case, curiousity killed the bunny... I'm the bunny, my sister's the cat, and my brother's an even bigger cat... that's why they both agree).

Curious, I watched the anime... I'm not yet finished watching it but from what I get so far, it's about the third secret of the Fatima.

In May 13, 1917 a luminous apparition of the Virgin Mary appeared to three peasant children, Lucia, Jacinta, and Francisco, and delivered a prophecy that would change the world. According to Lucia, the Virgin Mary revealed three secrets: (1) the World War I would end soon, (2) World War II is coming, and (3) - it was never revealed-. Lucia wrote down the third secret, sealed it, and entrusted it to Portugal's Bishop of Leiria, with instructions that it was not to be read until 1960. The Bishop turned the envelope over to the Vatican. Pope John XXIII reportedly opened the envelope when 1960 arrived, but refused to divulge its contents, saying, "This prophecy does not relate to my time." Pope John Paul II is said to have also read it, and refuses to reveal it on the grounds that its true spiritual message has been obscured by sensationalism.

In Chrno, they think that the third secret is the reappearance of the 12 apostles. And along with the reappearance of the 12 apostles are the appearances of devils. I don't understand the devil part that much, but if I'm not mistaken, there is this "major" devil sealed in New York City. The more of the 7 vices that people in New York do, the stronger the devil gets...or something like that. To protect the 12 apostles against demons who are out to exploite their powers as well as to protect the 8-tailed seal in New York City from breaking, the Order of Magdala was created. There is also the mention of Mary Magdalene who Jesus Christ loved so well... I don't understand this part so much...

It's a really good anime (although there are jumpy parts...i don't understand some of the discussions in the anime...it jumps from God to Mary Magdalene to stigmata) because it introduces the audience to something new. I would recommend it (nevertheless) along with Naruto, Full Metal Alchemist, Bleach, and Prince of Tennis. Fruits Basket, Fushigi Yuugi (Mysterious Play), and Kare Kano (His and Her Circumstances) are also very nice animes. However, guys might find these three animes a little girly/cheesy...they are love stories with twists.

If you wanna watch, just ask. If it's available, I can lend you. Or I can burn one for you.

Classes are over. It was over two months ago. So, there really is no reason for me to feel all stressed up. But I am. And I think I know why, but I'm afraid to admit it.

In thirteen days time, I will be leaving for Europe. And yes, I'm excited. But not as excited as when my dad told me that we were going to the beach back when I was five. Or when my mum told me that instead of eating dinner home, we would be eating dinner at the Kalsangi Clubhouse and as a result, there is enough time for me to go swimming after class, before dinner.

The truth is, I find Europe very costly. And as I sit here with a calculator in hand, trying to compute all future costs, I am haunted with what I can do better with the money should I decide to stay in the Philippines, invest it here, and get around to helping other people.

Although I do not consider going to Europe a worthless extravagance, I do consider it extravagant. And this makes me sad. And sometimes, when I think about it, it makes me dislike myself.

But I need to go to Europe. I have been dreaming of the place ever since I knew the continent existed. And if I don't go there now, when will I go? Why not grab the opportunity now?

- - - - -

sorry, suddenly i lost the mood to write...

There's this guy... Anways, he's so annoying. Everybody (except me) loves him and this reinforces him to act more lovable. Arg!!! Annoying! My seatmate loves him. My teacher loves him. My schoolmates love him. God! Even my friends love him. And you know what is so lovable about him? His face. Yes! Of all the faces in the world, this guy gets to own one of the most drop dead gorgeous faces I've ever seen my entire life. Moreover, when he smiles, it seems as if the whole world is bowing to him. Not only that, the dratty guy is a sweet talker. I swear, he gets himself in trouble for talking too much, but he gets himself out of trouble twice faster by the same kind of talk! My seatmate considers him her soulmate. He's my teacher's favorite pet. Girls scream their heads out just to get his attention. And you know what he does with all these people begging for him? He smiles sweetly at them.

Argg!!!

He is so ANNOYING!!!

I want to strangle him!!!